Never Split the Difference Summary
"Never Split the Difference" is a book by Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator, that offers negotiation techniques applicable in daily life. Voss contends that traditional negotiation strategies like "win-win" are often ineffective and instead advocates for a more psychologically insightful approach.
The book starts by challenging the notion that negotiations should aim for compromise. Voss argues that "splitting the difference" is a losing strategy because it leaves resources on the table and neither party fully satisfied. Instead, he introduces the idea of "Tactical Empathy," which means understanding the feelings and mindset of the other party to build rapport.
One of the foundational techniques Voss discusses is the "Accusation Audit," where negotiators openly address any negative assumptions the other party may hold. This disarms them and clears the path for constructive dialogue.
Another key technique is the "Mirroring" tactic, where repeating the last few words someone has said can create a sense of familiarity and rapport. Mirroring aids in establishing trust and gaining more information.
Voss also explains the power of calibrated open-ended questions, particularly those starting with "how" or "what." These questions place the onus on the other party to come up with solutions, effectively giving you control over the negotiation while making them feel empowered.
The book delves into the art of mastering "No," stating that hearing "No" in a negotiation is not the end but rather a beginning. He advises using techniques like the "No" script to draw out what the other person is actually objecting to.
Other techniques include the use of "Anchoring," which involves setting an initial high or low offer to shift the perceived value of what's being negotiated, and the "Rule of Three," which suggests that anything agreed upon three times is truly agreed upon.
Towards the end, Voss covers more advanced tactics like the "7-38-55 Percent Rule," explaining that only 7% of a message is based on the words used, while 38% comes from tone of voice and 55% from body language. He underscores the importance of congruence among these elements for effective communication.
The book concludes with a call to action, urging readers to practice these techniques in everyday situations to build their negotiation skills. Voss maintains that everyone negotiates daily, whether they realize it or not, and mastering the skills he outlines can have a transformative impact on various aspects of life.
